“A gift that keeps on giving” – or all about the Congress in Rome

EFT community and Susan Johnson

We dare to say it is no effort for you to seize the enchantment, honor and a whole range of other emotions that are there on or faces, the faces of the 10 members in the Romanian EFT community that have had the chance to see dr. Susan Johnson live, during the Congress in Roma, 21 – 23 April 2017.

These were 3 days filled with diverse information, intriguing perspectives – and this is just the short presentation version for the amazing experience of the Congress entitled ”Sexuality and relationships”. Instead, each of us could write her own version of a review pointing what has best resonated with practice experience, personal and professional questions, but as well what we could fit into the category of novelty, curiosities and directions to further explore.

Through my own filter, but as well through the attachment lens, I will delineate bellow some of the main ideas that were introduced during the presentations:

  • Sexuality as an emotion in motion represents the expression of a couple dynamics; as such, focusing on the individual when it comes to “treating” with sexual difficulties is is ment to be a total failure precisely because we are social beings.
  • A safe love relationship creates the proper context for tolerating the natural variations of one’s sexual desire; the unsafer the context, the harder excitation can be transformed into conscious desire; as such, the manner of one’s partner in requesting physical bonding can in turn push the “emotional brakes” that stop the sexual desire.
  • Sex is a conversation to be developed using different conventions  este  o conversație !
  • The missionary position, involving high physical closeness, is the most preferred not because it is habitual, but because it can create the most intense emotional connection.
  • Sexual desire is a visceral indicator of the relationship’s persistence.
  • ”Responsiveness” is a key feature that builds up in time; multiple research (even isolating the effect in robot interactions – the work of Gurit Birnbaum is amazing in this field) show that the excess of responsiveness turns into a panic bell, especially for women.
  • ”Spectatoring” – involving a stance of an observer during intercourse is a practice of partners focused on performance.
  • ”Ethical porn” – a novel gender of erotic/ pornographic productions that can be used therapeutically and that try to repeal most of the minuses listed for the typical pornography, the ones that are most accused – a superficial intercourse, women being objectified, promoting false criteria for beauty and sexual compatibility.

The list can go on and on and I invite you to stay tuned, as we have plans to collaborate in order to test some of the research in the local, Romanian context. There is still an echo in my mind – the assertions that were debated by the speakers during the panel sessions of the congress:

We are perpetually searching for that glim in the eyes of the primary attachment figure – the one that was telling us we are desired, loved and special.  THAT GLIM IS A GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. Those of us that were lucky enough to catch it keep on searching it into the eyes of our romantic partners; those of us that were less lucky long for it sometimes not even knowing how it should look!